It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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