you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize