It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
