I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
