pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So much rum. So many feels.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
