If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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