Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
