i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
