I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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