I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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