What a fucking waste of an outfit
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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