this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
