remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
