did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
