Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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