I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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