I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
