I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
