you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
