We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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