So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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