Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
