yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
