can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize