I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
