pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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