You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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