So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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