saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
