How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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