He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
