it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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