i permit you to call me
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
