I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
