Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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