You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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