the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
