I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
