I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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