I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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