she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
