dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
