Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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