i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
