God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
