I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
