at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
