If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
