who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
