You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
