Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
