some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
