I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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