My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
