You just made me feel so damn special
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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