I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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