I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
