I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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