forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize