I am puke
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
