I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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