...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I need mimosas to revive my soul
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
