no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize