I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
