I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
