I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
