Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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