i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
