somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
