i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
