People with herpes should wear stickers.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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