Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
