I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize