Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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