The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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