you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
