This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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