He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
