and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
