it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
