The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
