My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
