so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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