I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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