i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
