am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
