it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
