she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
