addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
