we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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