Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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